I miss my mom.
I think about her every day, all day.
I think about how everything would be better or easier with her here.
I think about how I am having a baby that will never know her, how amazing she is, how beautiful she was, and how she was an expert at all things domestic.
And hate that my children will only remember what I tell them they had with her.
I wish I could ask her all my parenting questions.
Why won't my kids mind me?
What are the best ways to find balance while being a mother, wife, and woman?
And why when I look at my living room gallery wall, does it seem off? Too many pictures?
What am I going to do with three kids? By myself, while Scott is away on rotations?
You always came to help me 'til I was back on my feet.
And what should I do with my hair? I know you hate it when I pull my short hair into a stubby piggy.
I wish you could be here to cut it.
To talk to.
To call every day.
I hate that I am jealous when I hear other girls talk about their moms.
I wish it were them and not me.
I know that is mean.
But I always thought what I had I would always have.
We were supposed to grow old together, to start a interior design firm.
You have been gone a long time.
Almost a year, next month.
And yet I still cry myself to sleep every night.
I know I am blessed.
That I am who I am because I am Sharen's daughter.
I can do hard things.
Because that is how she raised me.
10 comments:
I love you Brianne! You and your family are still in my prayers and thoughts. I know it won't take the hurt away...but please know you are very loved by all who know you! You are an amazing woman!
Oh Brianne, I am so sorry! I believe your mom is still with you. I don't think it would be foolish to continue to ask her those questions you have... I believe you'll feel an answer. You are amazing, and strong. I admire you!
And... I will be here to help you with 3 kids while Scott is away :-)
Brianne, my heart aches for you and your family's loss. I have always admired and loved you and Britney since we first roomed together in college. After meeting your mother, I could see why you were such amazing girls. You truly carry the best of your mom with you and she will always be a huge part of your lives. As I write this I think about the movie "Casper". I know sounds weird,but I remember in the movie the mom coming back as an angel and telling the dad that her family loved her so much when she was alive that her life was complete and she could move on to the next life. You and your family made her life complete and she is now watching over you on the other side until you are together again. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Love you.
I just love you! I'm so sorry. I don't know how I would handle losing my Mom, either. It would be too hard to imagine. You are so strong. I'm sure it makes it harder while you're going through a new phase of life without her to help you. She'll still help you, I'm sure. Love you!!!
All I can say is I'm so sorry. Like Kristina, I think you can still ask her those questions and get an answer. You are so amazing and such a wonderful woman. Whenever you need a hug, I'm right here. I know it's not the same, but I want to help as much as possible. Love you so much! Praying for you.
I hope you can feel my hug for you right now... ( ) I had a thought about your little baby inside. Maybe he has met her in heaven before he entered into your life. I know he won't remember her in this life, but I hope it comforts you to think that he did know her and know how much she loves him.
Your beautiful. You are strong and you can do hard things. You are doing something remarkably hard. I hope you feel comfort and peace when it feels overwhelming and difficult. I hope you feel her near when you need her most. I agree with Kristina, she may not be here....but she isn't far from you. She knows you still need her.
Your post made me cry and my thoughts and prayers are with you. It just is so very sad! It is ok to feel jealous and still mourn for your Mom, you probably will your entire life. She really is the most amazing woman I had ever known and there is not a day that I don't think about her and the positive influence she has on me. I still expect to get a text from her or think she will just "show up" when we are in Eugene. A lot of times when I pray I ask for specific messages to be given to her. I don't know if it really works that way but it is worth a try. The last three lines of your post are so very true! You can still miss her and continue telling your kids about her. Your Mom is really proud of you!
Anyone who really knew your Mom understands exactly why you still think about her every day. I still cry about it sometimes. I know that you'll have lots of hard moments without her, but I also know she'll do everything she can to be with you and help you. She always talked to me about how much she admired you. I miss her and love her too!
What in the world would we do without eachother? so much in common...even losing our Mothers! I KNOW how you feel. It helps to talk/write about it...a little. Love you and Miss you so very much!
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